one thousand gifts–on worry

24 Oct

FireweedOf course I worry.  I worry less and less as life goes on and I see what an incredibly faithful God I serve, but lately worries about finances have popped up.  Worries about church finances.  Worries about our future finances.  What’s odd is that I don’t normally deal with these types of worries.  Family matters are familiar worrying territory for me.  Relationship issues.  These are areas where I battle. But lately I’ve been struggling with these future money issues.

And then I read this passage from the book one thousand gifts by Ann Voskamp:

Anxiety has been my natural posture, my default stiffness. The way I curl my toes up, tight retreat. How I angle my jaw, braced, chisel the brow with the lines of distrust. How I don’t fold my hands in prayer . . . weld them into tight fists of control. Always control–pseudopower from the pit.  How I refuse to relinquish worry, babe a mother won’t forsake, an identity. Do I hold worry close as this ruse of control, this pretense that I’m the one who will determine the course of events as I stir and churn and ruminate? Worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is. And stressed, this pitched word that punctuates every conversation, is it really my attempt to prove how indispensable I am?  Or is it more? Maybe disguising my deep fears as stress seems braver somehow.

Two points really struck me. 1) That control is a pseudopower from the pit of hell. 2) That worry is the facade of taking action. Both of these things put the focus on me and what I can do instead of where it should be–resting in Jesus–who is ever faithful and ever loving.

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